Be careful who you vent to.
— Realest shit I’ve heard all morning. (via corivicious)

kayleefabulous:

MY ANACONDA-

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callmeyadi:

saraferro:

"I wish you’d drunk text me. Not just so I can finally understand how you feel about me or how exactly you react when you hear my name. But I want to understand your thoughts when your head isn’t on straight. Because sober, holy shit you’re so mysterious and unable to read. So, I guess, I just wish you’d drunk text me."

holy shit.

123jaclyn321:

zurashisu:

madman-in-a-blue-box-at-221b:

thediamondthatlived:

madman-in-a-blue-box-at-221b:

what do you call a snobbish criminal going down the stairs?

I don’t know. What?

a condescending con descending.

get out

That was beautiful

nahshaw:

I won’t be satisfied with my life until I meet someone who’s a sarcastic piece of shit like me and is attractive and wants to fuck me bye

spermbanker:

date me to disappoint your parents

dragon-in-a-fez:

sassykardashian:

IF YOU EVER GET IN A FIGHT WITH YOUR SIGNIFICANT OTHER JUST BREATHE IN THE HELIUM OUT OF A BALLOON AND HAVE AN ARGUMENT AND THE FIRST ONE TO LAUGH LOSES

you just put every marriage counsellor out of business

wigwams:

when u think about it you’re either a shift or caps lock person

thee-fitness-goddess:

Things I desperately want right now:
Sushi
Lots of sex
More muscle definition

overfused:

people from school finding your blog 

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